I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Bring me that man meat
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
