Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
