Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
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She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
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He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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