I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
