she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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