I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
