pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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