yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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