Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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