I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
