Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
