I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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