Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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