Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
