I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
