just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
