I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
