they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
