I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
