i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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