when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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