I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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