She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Congratulations! We have a period
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
