4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
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