I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
