I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
Randomize
