She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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