the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I supernannyed him into submission
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
