Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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