I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
