he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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