Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
