I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
