Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
