Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
