Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
