She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
