Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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