Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
