Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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