why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
