This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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