he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
