It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
