i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
