My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
