as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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