I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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