We won't sleep together?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
