i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
