If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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