Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
