His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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