Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
