I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
