i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
