finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
