Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My vagina just recognized that song.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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