I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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