I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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